Ive been here before, the path ive never past

Why do i always seem to end here. Right here, right before kickoff. Right before the Go. Ive done it too many times. And the only times i havent done it, has been when i know -ill be leaving later.

This might sound weird to anyone who hasnt been my friend for more than 3 years, but all im saying is that i cant handle it. The relationship thing. I cant do it.
Im scared. And i cant stop thinking about not having my freedom, freedom of doing what i want whenever i want.

God.

I need to pull myself together.
Puah..

All i want is to be happy, i just dont know how to do it anymore.