Im leaving.

For a better place.

Without you.

Sunny Beach - 09

Not the regular kind, please.

Thank god, theres people out there, to look after me, when im on the edge of falling apart.
Without them, only god knows where id be right now.

After trying very hard, to find a place to crash, to find somewhere to forget my regrets and live for today i gave up. Me, the party person - gave up partying. Hello? Whats up with that. But in a way, im glad i did. Because right now, im tired, im not in a party mood and just the thought of going home, in the ice cold weather kills me. So yes, in a way im thankful for the ones who said no to copenhagen and the ones who said yes to Mc'Ds and a visit from me.

What i do wish, i was doing though - is sitting there, in your bed, next to you, watching Scrubs, talking about life. What i do wish, is that i still had you by my side, with no problems and nothing that mattered - but us.

But we all need to remember, dreams doesnt come true, and they are not meant to come true. Good thing there. Because if i actually, still had you - id have hell waiting for me around the corner, which ive already passed.

Wheres the nearest gun at?

Thursday hot babe.

Im thinking, colorful dress, with sexy black shoes and long blonde hair. Im thinking make-up done by a pro, nails colored in french, and earings to match.

Im thinking wow.

Im preparing for the military-thing on thursday. And since ill be one of the few girls there, i might not have to look like a million dollars baby, but hey - you guys know me. Still gotta show off the best ive got. Especially, since he will be there. And especially, since its the last time he sees me, before he leaves for spain.

Ill make sure, he has nobody but me in his head for the rest of his trip.

And when it comes down to the asswhole across the ocean,

yeah, Ill make you pay. You broke my heart, and you dont get that for free god damn it.

Talking, is all we need.

There are two types of guys out there, the ones who uses girls, and the ones who actaully care.
Lucky me, i found the number two. Finally.
Even though, its not helping very much, hes leaving for spain next friday. Its not helping, hes in the military this week.
Well, i guess its my bad luck that strikes again.

Good thing, im used to it. Good thing, i wasnt expecting anything else.

But im glad, that ive found someone, who actually will listen to me, who actually wants my opinions and who doesnt care about anything else but putting a smile on my face.

And i think, i was in heaven, for a night.

I hope im falling again, and i hope he'll catch me, and never let me go.

I dont understand how he still can have the control to hurt me, to make me upset and make me cry. I dont understand, how i can let him do these thing, get away with it and make me believe im worth shit.

I cant wait until tomorrow.

Because tomorrow, ill be concentrating on my new flirt. It will be all about him, and my thoughts will be long gone away from Dan.

Oh <3

And what will the future bring, i wonder.

Last day, ever. No more, do i have to go back to that place, called school. No more, do i need to stay home because of homework. And no more, do i have to fight with teachers about unfair grades.

So, suck it.

The question is, what to do now. When schools out, and theres no such thing as going back, and when working seems overrated and college even more - theres not much left for someone like me, to waste their time with.

Maybe, should i become that world famous DJ ive always dreamt about being, or a bartender to impress the guys. Or maybe i should just get a hobby, like scrapbooking, or play guitar.
All these options, none of them being very appealing.

I think, the right thing do, right now, is to sit here - enjoy my freedom. Because ill have the rest of my life in front of me - filled with 9-5 jobs.

Good night.

Last night, i dreamt, for the first time since i broke up with Dan, about somebody else.

Long story short.

The week we'll never forget <3

Graduation baby. No school for me, never ever again. Its bad ass, and im crazy excited about it. Ive been trying to party, as much as i can, just to enjoy these days as a nobody.
Last night, was the best night though. Maybe, we didnt have the time of our lives, but i accomplished the things i needed to.
I kissed the first guy, since Dan.
And then, i kissed another guy....
and the third kiss, im saving to someone special. Because, you know what they say about the third time, right?

I was drunk. And i blamed everything on my hair.
Blondes, they do have more fun.
Blondes, can bget who ever they want.
So ive noticed.

But yes, i also have to admit,
that in between all this happiness,
theres a broken heart,
which still havent healed.

<3

Ive deleted his number, so i wont call.
Ive ended our friendship on facebook,
And ive blocked him from msn.

Good job me!