I just won't take it anymore.

Thank you (myself) for working so freaking hard through out Christmas and New Years. This paycheck, was needed. Very satisfied with the amount, i'll be partying it up all night long tomorrow. Im worth it. 

But things are not only pink and fluffy in my world - there's some big problems catching up on me, which i just cant ignore anymore. Problems like real ones, grown up ones - the problems i was hoping i'd never have to deal with. But which, i have to deal with. Because, unfortunately, they won't go away by themselves - like many other things. 

It breaks my heart, it hurts inside - it kills the last happy drugs in my brain.

And there's only one way out.

Fight, and never give up on what you believe in. 

But remember, im fighting out of love and nothing else. Im trying to do a good thing here people, im trying to save a life. 

Oh, it's all about the stripe.

Its when thoughts becomes reality. The difference between a cross and a stripe is just another stripe. One stripe that could change everything. Your whole world could be twisted around, turned upside down and your life, may never be the same. Just one single stripe away.

Its scary, the future, my life, and what will happen. What to do, when nothing seems right anymore, and you just cant figure out what comes next? I dont want to end up at that stage of life. I want to have it all under control. Thats simply why, im freaking out about the stripe. 

And can you really trust the stripe? It wouldnt be a pleasant surprise if it showed up in the wrong place, one less. It would be bad, very bad. Because when your trusting the stripe, its too late when you've realized it was nothing to trust. 

But hopefully, God will be watching over me and the stripe - making sure the result is trustable.

And we all know how it goes.

And im ready to get down tonight. I'll drink till my head falls off, my feet becomes numb and the world spins round and round. Then, ill throw up, come back to reality and regret everything done tonight. 

The story of my life.

 

Even though, tonight will probably not get out of hand since its a private party, with a maximum number of visitors and only so much to drink. So no worries friends, ill get out of it alive. And so will my boyfriend, because tonight baby - i wont tolerate just anything. In particular, no bullshit crap that fucks you up. 

Time to go, run away and escape.

Have a nice saturday night everyone,

and party it up for me if you're going out.

I need it. 

If i had one wish,

i'd wish for supernatural powers.

I'd try to make you understand,

how it feels like watching you,

putting your life at risk.

I'd make you see the potential,

that i see in you,

and make you realize,

what a great one you are.

I'd take away the pain,

i'd make it better,

i'd save you.

If i had one wish,

i would wish,

that i could make you stop.

And be your saving angel.

So tonight,

I'll make a wish,

for you.

When there's no words, there's music.

" An empty street 
An empty house 
A hole inside my heart 
I'm all alone 
The rooms are getting smaller 
I wonder how 
I wonder why 
I wonder where they are 
The days we had 
The songs we sang together 
Oh yeah 
And all my love 
We're holding on forever 
Reaching for the love that seems so far 

So I say it in a breath 
Hope my dreams will take me there 
Where the skies are blue 
To see you once again my love 
All the seas go coast to coast 
Find the place I love the most 
Where the fields are green 
To see you once again my love "

Liar, liar - pants on fire ?

I bet, more than 95% of my class thinks i skipped school today to be home with my baby. Well, surprise, i did not.

Waking up too many times during the night, from pain, led me to the doctor in the morning. Yes, im actually sick and im now, once again on medication. I think its time for me to consider eating more tomatoes. The only problem is that i hate tomatoes. 

Other ways to increase my body's self-defense? There sure is.

And i cant think of a better one, than bed-exercises. Especially, when the instructor is nothing but the best. 

I really fell for the right one. 

Congrats. 

Has never happened before. 

Thousands of things that needs to be done. Done before midnight, before bedtime - before the sun rises in the morning.

But what am i doing?! 

Well, everything but those things. 

I simply cant concentrate. Im hyper yet im tired. Im hot, but im freezing. Hungry, but i cant eat. I need a ride, taking me far away to the arms of love. Making me forget.

I miss you.

Things no one should know

After one and a half year, visiting IN almost every weekend i have not until now, seen the dark side of my paradise. Ive heard rumors, ive had my doubts, but i never thought it was that close to me - and i never had a clue of what i was about to see. 

The bass has never been louder, 

the feet have never moved faster. 

The beat has never felt stronger, 

neither has a kiss made a human being fly.

And the music suddenly makes sense.

10/1 - 09

A day to never forget. 

The single girl, the party queen, the one and only Hollywood tramp-stamp has now officially a boyfriend. 

I must say, its hard to believe. Not because i dont want a boyfriend - because i do, but its just that im so used to always doing what i want whenever i want to. I dont know where this road will lead us, all i know is, im walking it with that special Someone. 

And i feel proud, to have that honor, to be his girl - to hold his hand and to be the one waiting for him to come home. 

Dan <3

The best 24 hours spend this year, right Dan?

I can proudly say, that these 24-hours, has been the best hours of this year - i might even be able to say, that this day has been better than all days last year as well. Keep in mind though, last there was the worst year. I cant even count, how many times i had to go to the doctor because of sickness, or how many times ive just spend in my bed thinking - fuck what a life i have. 

But this one, i know ive said it before, but seriously, this year has the best start and i can only hope for it to continue. 

Last night, after work, i met up with Dan. Seeing him, standing there by the Metro, knowing hes waiting for me was a sight ill never forget. Taking the train, having him coming here, was the best idea ever - even though, before i was doubtful about it. But the best thing was, having him here, right next to me, in my bed. Falling a sleep in his arms, getting that goodnight kiss and the good morning hug. He has showed me, a personality only one guy has done before. And how he makes me feel, well, theres no one who can beat that. 

I miss him, every second im not with him. I wish life was more simple, and i could just move to his place and stay there, forever and always. Its a lot of strong words, and sayings, i know. And it might sound completely like ive lost my mind. But the only thing ive lost is my heart.

We're talking real stuff here, we're talking love.

Dan, Im officially in love with you.

Monday @ Slagthuset, Malmö

Since i live in Malmö, many seems to assume that i love Slagthuset, and not so many seem to understand why i go to Copenhagen instead of Slagt. Now Ill tell you why,

Slagt is a place for stupid, mean and ugly Swedish people. A place where dancing is nothing, and drinking is everything. Its a place where no one cares about anyone but themselves, and meeting new people? Hah! No, even if there might be someone there that you've never seen before, i guarantee that person doesnt want to talk to you. And if they, against all odds walks up to you, its because you have a nice ass and they wanna get laid. Theres always too many people everywhere, so you basically have to stand at the same spot all night, it reeks, its hot and its expensive. 

Slagthuset is nothing to me. 

Copenhagen is the place to be.

Its not that i regret last night, because the people i was with were all really nice. And we had fun, together. Its just the atmosphere of Slagthuset, and just any club here in Malmö that im allergic against. I dont belong here. 

I belong,

across the ocean,

over the bridge,

where the lights are on all night long,

and where the smile never goes away,

i belong,

in the country of Denmark.

And im sure, 

there was a mistake when i was born,

because i might have Sweden in my blood,

but our neighbor is in my heart.

Always <3

Just another orgasm in my ears.

Have you ever felt, this strange, kind of "im in love" thing, from listening to a specific kind of music? Well, theres just a few songs that can make me feel that way, but last weekend, i found a couple more. This time, were not talking american gangsta style, we're not talking country music and not punkrock. We're talking Danish bad ass rap, with lots of good beats and booms and a bass that makes anything shake. 

So cheers to Denmark, that makes me feel this way.

Summer of 09.

Oh how I wish it was summer. Not only because its warm and nice out, and that you can go to the beach, wear nothing and be tan - no this summer is going to be so much more special than that.

June 2nd: Graduation.
-Ill be running out from the big doors at Malmö Latinskola, in my white dress with my best friends.

June 6th: Tiesto concert in CPH.
-If you saw me rocking at sensation, hah! Just wait until you see me rocking this place.

Sometime after that: A warm place for 2 weeks.
-At this point, ill be getting tan in a warm and nice country with my very best friend, enjoying life.

July 14th: Char visits Sweden.
-I cant wait until my FAVORITE american comes to visit me. We'll be getting down and dirty and ill show her, how we, scandinavians do it.

July 23rd: My Birthday!
-I turn 19 this year and it will be celebrated, Even though, 19 is no big deal, nothing happens, its still a reason to PAAARTY.

And sometime, after all this, ill get serious again. Start working full-time, or maybe study. Maybe ill be moving out, to my own place.

I dont know.

All i know is, this is a summer, that will rock my world.

Ive been here before, the path ive never past

Why do i always seem to end here. Right here, right before kickoff. Right before the Go. Ive done it too many times. And the only times i havent done it, has been when i know -ill be leaving later.

This might sound weird to anyone who hasnt been my friend for more than 3 years, but all im saying is that i cant handle it. The relationship thing. I cant do it.
Im scared. And i cant stop thinking about not having my freedom, freedom of doing what i want whenever i want.

God.

I need to pull myself together.
Puah..

All i want is to be happy, i just dont know how to do it anymore.

A turn, around the weekend

Surprise! Im still alive. Imstill doing my thing, just in another part of this world.
Its weekend, and what do we do during the weekends?
We hit the floor, we break it down and we drink it up.
But this weekend, is different. I wont be tearing it up, ill be chillin right here, in the arms of my baby.

And how long havent i been waiting to be able to say that?
Too long.
But tonight, the wait is over.
Im loving,
and im getting love back.

Karma baby, karma.

One day later.

Another year has now past, and a new one has now started. For most of us, it means new-years promises (we'll never keep) and better ways of living (we'll never do). For once, i did not promise anything. This year will just be another path in my life, and im sure, it will take me to roads ive never seen before - already starting at 05.00 yesterday.

New years eve, the dream of the perfect night everyone is talking about. Ive never understood, until now. I guess, there is a happy ending after all. ANd the new years kiss? The one kiss, every girl wants but only a few gets. I was one of them, looks like my bad luck is about to do a u-turn.

"I want more. Its a desire, its an addiction, its what i live for. Just give me more. And i cant see a more perfect way to die, than from true love. Kill me."