26 februari 2009

And heres my excuse, to not do my homework tonight.

Its strange how things change, in just a second. Its somewhat amazing, to have that power make a difference, every second, every minute and hour of the day. Choices. We make choices, that could change a whole life. Änd im very glad that today, wont tell me about tomorrow. Im very glad, that the choices that i get now, doesnt seem so serious as they might will, after i have made them.

I regret nothing. Because i always do what i want to. And when i look back, i see mistakes, but at least i get to think, at that moment, that was what made me happy.
I dont want to be smart, life is too short for thinking, its too short for planning a future that might not even come. And its just long enough, for you to do what your heart tells you to.

Thats why, you might not always understand me. And thats why they call me lazy, stupid and God knows what. But hey, who is really the one being stupid? Looking out of my window, its not me.

And if we die now - i die happy. Will you?

22 februari 2009

Only for you, but for everybody to see

The difference between you and all the others, 
is that when i fell, you were the one who stood at the bottom with your arms ready to catch me,
and while many passed, you were the one to leave footprints on my heart.

I love the way i cant control myself around you,
and how no drugs gets me high the way your love does.

Theres nothing like you, nothing like what we have,
and thats what makes you special,
you bring out the best, and not many can manage to do that with me.

All reasons to why i chose you, 
where the strongest one is,
that i can proudly say that i love you,
and that you,
you love me back.

Drop the pounds and a couple of years too

Theres a new way to loose weight. Maybe not new for the world, but new for me. Its not the healthiest way and probably not the best either. But it works, and it works fast. A couple of days and you already look slimmer. 

And i wish i didnt know about it.

20 februari 2009

If i die today, i want to be remembered tomorrow.

What if i walk to soft, for my footprints to stick, to be found another day? What if i clean up, a little bit to much after my mess, so theres nothing left of me? And what if, i never talked highly enough to be heard, or dressed to crazy to be seen? Then, i'll be forgotten in a second. 

So, today i'll be stamping my feet into the ground and i just wont put my dirty plates in the dishwasher - neither will i throw my empty gum raps in a trash can instead of the ground. I'll be screaming so you'll hear me, across the ocean and outfitted in a neon, glowing dress. Because i wont take being forgotten. 

If i die,
they're gonna remember me. 

16 februari 2009

Its time for the big spring- cleaning day.

A new fresh start, is something me and my body would need. Another make-over, to make things good again. Because this lifestyle is freaking me out. 

I would like to sort some things out. Clean the mess up.
And im gonna do my best, as always, to get the job done.

First of all, there's a huge closet that needs to be taken care of. Clothes to throw out, to make place for the new ones. 
Then, i have my room - which just needs rehab. Looks like the 3rd world war in here. And it sucks to be the one responsible to it. 
After that, ill try to do most of my homework (that should have been done weeks ago), get myself a relaxing bath with spa- treatments and some cold champagne. 
Last but not least, ill be dealing with some people in my life, who shouldnt be there. How horrible it might sound, a real friend - is no one who doesnt care. And too many out of the people from my phone list, matches up with that. And im not okay with it anymore. They're fired. 

Now, im gonna get a good night sleep so that i can wake up, fresh free and fly tomorrow - ready to kick ass. 

11 februari 2009

It sucks to have secrets. I mean, sometimes, it makes you feel very special - like your the chosen one when somebody tells you a secret. But keeping one and having one are two different things.

Yesterday was mine and my boyfriends one month thingy. And he's just a cutie! Food, candles and a bracelet on the menu. I love having a boyfriend. I mean, just as much as i miss being single, i dont regret being in a relationship. Because theres someone, you share evrything with. Who have  seen you at your worst and your best. Who admires you, loves you and who you can hold on to. Theres always a shoulder to cry on and a laugh to share. 

Being someones someone, is the greatest gift of all.


09 februari 2009

Truth cant be told. 
But that doesnt mean i dont need somebody to talk to. 
Feelings cant be showed. 
But that doesnt mean i dont need a hug.

Looking through the shell, 
only a few can. 
And only a few of the few, 
wants to see what there is to be seen.


08 februari 2009

So far, so good.

Its been almost a week, and im feeling alright. Im proud of me, but there's also my boyfriend to thank - without him, i dont know.

Speaking of my boyfriend, im getting scared again. It goes up, and it goes down. The relationship is doing good - but my nerves are not. Every time i leave his side, i cant help but thinking its the last time i see his face. I cant help but worry about everything and anything. 
But i guess, its time for me to take control of my feelings, and convince myself, that we'll find our way back to each other. Its just hard, after a broken heart just getting healed. Because sadly, i know that a heart once broken, can never really become the same, and a broken heart will always have a hard time trusting again - and when a broken heart finally grows strong again, its only to break again.

Love is great, and no drug makes you feel the way love does. But when it comes down to it, it hurts like a bitch, when it leaves your side and the question is, is it worth it...

With Dan, i believe it is. I hope, i'll never regret taking your hand that night. And i hope, the day our paths no longer go down the same road - our goodbye, will be a good one. 


04 februari 2009

And it wasn't even my choice

I think its too late. 
But then, its never too late.
Even though, ive already crossed the line.

But how to resist, 
when brain and body screams after more?
How to make a no-sound,
seems impossible.

Im scared,
but im relieved at the same time.

Oh, bad, so bad.
And now, for the first time in my life,
i need to be strong,
really strong.

We're talking live, or die.

the story continues

Friday night goes along with bye bye IN. Even though, im not sure, how long it will take before i get abstinence from not going there. Because trust me, it has happened before - and after friday, the chances of me getting it are even greater. This time, its not because we had a blast, this time, we're talking real stuff, hard core things, i could only dream about. We're talking fucked up people, spending their shit, on girls like me - hoping to get some.

Surprise. I might have been the only girl in my group, but i do have a boyfriend, and my boyfriend does have friends, who are my friends and who took care of me before it was too late.

So next time, have it yourself instead, me - your not getting near. 
Not when im around my bad boys.

02 februari 2009

Theres never any good, in goodbye.

Today its time to say goodbye. Goodbye to all the good times, at my favorite place, the club which will always have a place in my heart and my memory. I remember the first time i was there. Nervous, scared shitless, because a seventeen year old girl is not supposed to get in. My hand was shaking, holding tight to the id, that didnt belong to me - praying and hoping, they wouldnt notice. 

Or how about that night, me and ida played around for hours - coming home with 6 new numbers in my cell-phone, one belonging to the heartbreaker. The one guy, i couldnt forget - the one i was hoping to find every weekend for almost a year. 

I remember throwing up in the smoking area, falling down the stairs, down to the dance floor. I remember flirting with the bartender, getting drinks for free. Being the first one on the floor, shaking my ass together with my best friend - having the whole place watching. 

I have done so many things in there, and we're talking memories, that will fallow me under ground the day i die. 

But its time to say goodbye. Its getting dangerous. And i better pull myself out before i get dragged in.