And in a heartbeat, everything can change. From bettter to worse, or from worse to better.
This time, im pretty sure, im going with the wind, instead of against it.
Today i got a call from my boss, and yes, he might have a job for me, at the marketing department of Magasin Du Nord. Thats just way out of my league, and if i can get it - then nothing is impossible anymore.
So, to celebrate this, me and my best friend went out to get our nails done. And now, im as pretty as i can be! Or no, wait... Tomorrow, after two, im as amazing as i can be.
Im getting my hair done, and yes, the bitch is back. You know, long nails, blonde, shiny hair and lots of attitude. Well, at least, thats what i need if im gonna beat those whores up who took the best part of my life away from me.

Another thing,
tomorrow, im hanging out with the X. The forbidden letter.
But i miss him too much to be able to be strong enough to say no.
I need him, to survive. For motivation.

I need him, so bad you guys.
So bad...

Today i had my chance, to drink the pain away. And i took it. And i got fucking wasted, and to be quite honest - i dont really remember that much of the day. Hm.

But i do know, we played pirates in the forest, ran around naked and sang about graduation. Lucky me, theres always pictures to help the memories fall into place.

But god, it upsets me, that i cant think, write or do anything without him on my mind. Im simply obsessed with him and the fact i no longer can call him mine. Im sad, im frustraded and im completely head over heals in love with the guy who broke my heart. And i wonder, how it can be, that no matter how much someone hurts you - you still can take them back, just because you simply love them.
It pisses me off. I just want to forget, move on and find someone who actually loves me back. I want to be someones prinsess, someones baby boo, who they can call in the middle of the night because they miss me. I want to be that girl, that special someone. That girl, you cant replace. That girl, you choose to marry.

I miss being loved.
I really do...

So if we get the big jobs

And we make the big money

When we look back now

Will our jokes still be funny?

Will we still remember everything we learned in school?

Still be trying to break every single rule

Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?

Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?

I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye

Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

And this is how it feels...

It's over. He's gone. And so am I.

But guess who's back?
The fucking party prinsess, with all her crazy party like a rockstar nights. Welcome her back.

Theres one thing, we all need to remember, when we loose the one we love.
"If I could be so head over heals, over something so wrong, I cant wait, to feel what i will feel the day I find whats right".

Even though, it feels better to think about that, everything still hurts. I kind of feel like buying a gun and shoot myself in the head with it to stop this pain. I dont wanna play this game anymore. I dont wanna play, when i keep on losing. Its no fun, when the number one spot, goes to someone else.

Well, as you prob. have notice, there is something wrong. And yes, i believe its over. My 4 months of love and hate with a person i cant get out of my head. I think, i'll be picking up my stuff tomorrow - to then cry until graduation.

Yes. That sounds like a plan. A good one. Doesnt it?

I wonder, how to get my man around my finger. Because i hate, being around his.
Tomorrow, will be another day, with pain, fights and tears. I just dont know what to do or what to say anymore, because no matter what - he wont listen.
Tomorrow, he'll be with the one i fear the most. His lost love.

Why cant it be, just like before?
When he respected me, when i listen and when he would do anything for me.
Why cant he go back, being that boy, i once fell in love with.

I dont know, how much longer i can stand being put to side, because of another girl.
And the thought, of her touching him, the way only i do - kills the very last part of my heart.

Maybe one day, ill have the guts to leave his side,
or maybe one day, he'll be a man enough, to realize, what hes doing is wrong.

And one explanation later

I didnt have much time, neither did i not have much energy, to explain what i wrote last night.
But today, i think ive pulled myself together and i think im ready to put words into a happening.

Me and my boyfriend, are doing very good. I just wished, that sometimes, he would stop thinking about his drug-shit and start thinking about his girlfriend instead.
Two days ago, he asked me, if i wanted to move in with him. But how am i supposed to live, the life hes living, everyday? How am i supposed to be able to take, being 100 miles away from my friends. The answer, i cant come up with.

And what about his other bullshit? Later on today, hes sending me back home, so that he can hang out with his friend - his female friend. And i guess, it would be fine, if she wouldnt have told him, that she wanted him - loud, so i could hear it. Its pissing me off, that i cant say no, even though i want to, so bad.
But if we do move in together, theres nothing, hanging out with female friends without me. Thats for sure.

Maybe i should just come up with an excuse to stay, just so that i could beat the chick so hard so that she would learn, to not touch my man.

Plus, we've got all the other bullshit going on. I really do feel, like everytime i raise my voice, all the ears around closes down.

And im so sick of living in all this bullshit crap.
I wont take no more.

Ive got no words left.

Im confused, messed up,
and i swear - im soon giving up.
I just cant take this bullshit anymore.

Im sick, of always being the last choice, the last voice to be heard and the last one to see...

Can you believe it?! I cant. Its less than 28 days left guys, and then im out. Im a free person, in a free country - free to do whatever i want.