Thinking happy thoughts along the road for once. Applause

Tomorrow morning, 8.00 a.m, is a historical moment in my life. Im writing my last, my very, very last real exam (i do have danish left, but i dont count that, since danish is what, a joke?).
Ill be sitting there for five hours, fighting for the grade i deserve, knowing, ill never have to do it ever again.
And hey, for the first time, im looking on the bright side of an exam. Wow.

Seriously, ive been very happy lately, and im glad that my life is taking another u-turn. And after watching that extremely anti-pessemistic program on tv today, ive decided to keep on looking on the bright side. Apperently, those who do, lives 4 years longer. Hell yeah.

Being this excited about life, i think im gonna try to quit the one habit, and desire i hate the most - smoking. And yes, its probably bulltalk, and ill probably change my mind tomorrow morning, but still. At least, ive reach that stage, considering stopping.

Plus, to keep on going with the great news, me and my boyfriend are doing really good.
One more week, and our 3 months celebration comes up. Oh, Xstatic <3

Our relationship is like a rollercoaster that goes up and down. Except it tickles when it goes up, and the downfall basically sucks.

From happy- to totally depressed.

Where did i go wrong?

Im giving my all, im doing my best. I just feel like im getting nothing back. And i hate that feeling, i really do.
I am a giving person, which is a good thing. Whats not so good, is that i never ask for anything back in return. And in some cases, that means - i get nothing back in return. It sucks, especially, when its the person you love the most, who just seems to take but never give.
I might not ask, but that doesnt mean, im not human. I still need, some confirmation.

Tomorrow night, was supposed to be chilled out night, with popcorn, a movie and lots of love. But no, thats not the case anymore.
Instead, ill be sitting alone with my popcorn and my movie, without any love.

Two hours ago, i couldnt wait for tomrrow to come.
Now, i cant wait, for tomorrow to end.

Oh baby, i wish you thought a little bit more about us, and a little less of you.

Yummy, sugar at its best

Now, i did it again. Its like the most stupid addiction ever, and i just cant stop! Im talking about eating.
Coming home from school, being kind of exhausted, i sat down and woops - in front of me there was this candy bag, and just couldnt handle myself. I had to take one bite. And one bite, is not enought. So i had another one, and another one and... then the bag was empty.
A couple of sandwiches later, i fell alseep on the couch watching the tyra banks show. They were talking sex and i missed it!

Ive slept for three hours, on a full stomach, waking up - strongly regreting eating that stupid sugartrigger.

I fucking hate sugar.
God!

Why do i always say one thing and mean another?
Ive always been told, im too nice. And i guess, thats true. I just cant express my opinions unless their kind.
I can be mad at someone, and i can promise you - that person will never find out.
I might want to stay home for a saturday night, but i can promise you - ill go out anyways.

When the boyfriend asks me something, he never gets the truth. Ill just say, whatever makes him happy.

And i know, this is not good for me.
And def not for anybody else neither.

I would never question my friends. Never. Ive always taken their word.
But last night, i was just hoping they were wrong. I was sitting there, hoping, that no, this time, they were wrong, for real. I was telling my self, that seriously, no, they just couldnt be right.

But no, i dont think im in doubt anymore.
I cant deny the truth.
I believe they were right all along. And now, theres only one thing to do.

Confront, and play the same game as him. Because if i do, maybe ill save my self, from getting even more hurt than i am right now.

And for once, ill admit,
im actually sad.

God bless friday

I am considered to be done with my project, that needs to be handed in tomorrow morning at 10.30. Wow, i never thought id ever get done with it. Not that im very proud of it, but still.
This doesnt mean i can go to bed though, because i have promised to stay up and wait for my friend in america to get of work - so that i can call her - so that she can talk to me.
Im such a good friend.

Even though, i must admit, im pretty tired already and i have two hours left.
Hm, i wonder if ill make it.

Anyways, tomorrow im going out with the girls (omg! It was such a long time ago!) and my boy, well, i dont really care what hes doin. Im gonna get down at least.

Ive got no work, no plans, just partying. It was a long time ago it was like this. Wow.

Too much energy equals too much bulltalk.

Seriously, I'm pulling an all-nighter tonight. Thats what happens, when teachers put too much pressure on the students.
So dont count on my head being clear tomorrow, thats for sure. But with one class, i think ill be just fine. Correct? Yes.

And btw, against all odds - me and my boyfriend are still hanging in there, doing just fine.
Even though, this morning i felt like shooting the kid in the head.
You know, when you wake up really early, and just cant fall back a sleep? Well, thats how it was this morning. My boyfriend woke up, because i was making noises (?). A little bit irritated, but still not mad, he got up because he realized, he had to go to school early anyways. He got ready, and was just about to walk out the door - with me wide awake when he decided he was too tired to go to school.
So i asked him nicely, please, could you stay awake for me, im leaving soon anyways - its just so boring just sitting here. 2 seconds later, guess who fell asleep? Well, it wasnt me.

Not even my goodbye kiss woke him up... He fucking always sleeps! GOD it kills me.

But, its just another issue to put behind, forget - and then remember, why you love him instead. Because oh, how i love him.

You tell me, whos your sugar daddy

And i have a new computer. Its super nice, and i bet youd be jealous if you saw it. I would, if i would be you.

The greatest thing, is that its my gift to myself, and no one else have helped me pay for it. Its all money, straight from my pay check. So yes, now im officially poor.

Guys, im sorry. My brain is turned off today. Its not working as it should and it needs sleep.
And im not going to make it more painful than it already is.
Im just going to stop writing,

now.

One night in Mars.

In a couple of minutes, my baby will be here. We're going to have an all-nighter, doing our hair, talking gossip and discussing my issues with the boy. I'm soon going to leave, to get some snacks and pop for tonight as well. 

See, i do have a completely normal life. 

Even though, what i should be doing, is writing my speech for thursday. Its the BIG test, and i need to be prepared. Its not one of those things you can just blow off. I have to do it. And i will. Just not tonight, and probably not tomorrow night either. Wednesday i'm working and then my working buddies and i are getting a cup of coffee downtown, Copenhagen. 

I guess that speech, will be written, at some point of time in the middle of the night. Turning out being horrible, and ill blow the grade as i always do. 

But hey, ill survive. Right?

And so much has happened

It's hard to even begin. I don't know what to say, or how to explain it. Words, its just not enough. Maybe pictures would say more. Maybe not even that, would have you understanding, whats going on in my life right now.

I dont see it as anything bad, as im unlucky, i see it as another experience. And i think, this experience could help me on different levels. I just need to put an stop line out there, so i know when im finished - done. 

I graduate in 85 days. In 85 days, im free. I get to do, whatever i want to do. I can move away, far away. I can get a full time job somewhere, i could study... I can move in with my boyfriend - living the life of an gangster in Copenhagen. 

That last one, is probably the worst one. But i also think, its the one that would make me happiest. 

But what do i know. Nothing, absolutely nothing. 

I'm not going to worry about the future, i'll leave that up to destiny - while im living my life to fullest. 

The past week my internet have been out, and i haven't been able to update my blog. That sucks, big time. 

Friday night was just wow. Being back to IN, dancing, getting those adrenaline rushes, only IN can give you. Oh my God. How could i ever say, i would never go back to that club? Well, whatever i said, im taking it back. Because IN, is still as amazing as always.

And i am as stressed as always, so i have to go. Ill hit you guys up later.