30 november 2008

Im on a walkout.

This is what i should be doing,

reading about islam. 
writing a novel.
and finish the last chapter in my psychology book.

And this is what im doing,

watching tv.
talking to friends.
and writing in my blog.

And now, im gonna continue on to facebook. 
Screw school,
im smart enough to not fail anyways.

29 november 2008

If i could, i would delete love.

28 november 2008

Every now and then i think about the future, i imagine my life and i see everything, as perfect as it could be and in those dreams, i always get my happily ever after. In reality, i just dont.

The story of my life. Born with bad luck, and died from it to.

So whats up, well, its a Friday night and just as the last one im sitting at home, at decent hour, doing nothing but writing my heart out in my blog. Pathetic? Hm. Yes, maybe. But no matter, how depressing it might be - i still kind of like it. I think its a sign of me, growing up. What does hurt is that i can do nothing about it. I seem to struggle and im desperately trying to avoid this stage, where i no longer plan for partying all weekend - where a movie with some popcorn is just fine to satisfy my needs. But i guess, it is impossible to stop.
I love partying, dont get me wrong. But im just not running after everyone in party hats trying to crash anymore. Instead, i wait for them to come around.

The worst part is,
im not even working tomorrow. 
But i am, sunday.

Which means, tonight was my only chance.
But i decided to watch a movie in town.
Play pool.
And i drove.

Well...
People change


27 november 2008

No more music in my ear. Im done with love songs.

Im serisously counting down. One hour and 45 minutes left until my pay check is available at my bank account. And i need it like ive never needed it before.

And by the way, this is my 100th entry. Wow. Lets celebrate!! With some depressing stories about my life and about this weekend. 
It might be friday tomorrow, but what am i doing? My best friend is always with her boyfriend, my other best friend is working 24/7, and my third is baby-sitting. Whats up with that?! Huh?! Leaving a desperate, sad and depressed girl all alone on a friday night? All im saying is that this time, im not fine and im not gonna be ok.
Not.

Anyhow, i was sitting on the bus on my way from school when i thought, hey, lets put on some music. For once, i have my Ipod with me and its charged. Wow. 
And then i realized,
no matter how much I shuffled those songs, or how many times a pressed "Next", they were all about the same thing. Love aka Sex.

Id be the first one to buy the next song that is Not about love aka sex. Because im so sick of it. 

"So sick of love songs...."

And im sorry for being so depressed today - or actually, im not. 
It was the first day of school in like four weeks and we all know how horrible the first day of school always seem to be. 

Back to homework, back to feeling guilty for not doing them and back to sitting down, quiet, doing whatever the teacher asks you to. I bet, if the teacher told someone in school to jump out the window from the third floor - the student would do it and then ask for compensation for damages. Thats how damn good we are at doing what our teachers say.

Fuck The System.

Thats what i say...

25 november 2008

Leaving the life of Cph

So here i am for the last time. And soon ill be in my own, precious bed,  in my room, watching my tv and listening to my music. I must say, that no matter how much i love everything about Copenhagen, and no matter how much i wish i actually had my own apartment here - Malmo will still be home, sweet home. 

And yes, i will miss living in the biggest city in Scandinavia and its gonna suck, taking the train in an eternity after partying at IN - but i am, believe it or not, happy to come back home.

In 40 minutes ill be gone- if my parents can figure the streets of copenhagen out. Hah. 

24 november 2008

Ive had my playboy moments.
My crazy ones,
and my low ones.

Ive been through changes,
as a punk rocker,
as a princess,
to a fat one,
to almost anorexic,
to what i am today.

I regret nothing.
Nothing, but the things i never did.

Like that one night,
i was supposed to meet you by the train station,
and i never showed up.

Or that one time,
he was cheating,
and i never spilled my drink on him,
hit him,
nor started a fight.

But i learn from my mistakes,
luckily,
i do.

And i wont let myself,
never again,
be regretful.

Living life to its fullest potential,
dying poor. 

A destiny,
of the real me.

Somebody is falling in love. And its not me.

Stop.

I need to stop torturing myself. I need to get over what i never got over. I need to get over myself. Come on. I am pathetic. Staying in love, hoping one day he'll come back. Newsflash! He's never turning around. So you might just as well walk the other way. 

Pep-talk.

Tomorrow will be a sad day. My last day living in Copenhagen. Wonderful Copenhagen. But it is also a new day with a new kick-off. When i sit down in that car, and when i start the engine heading home - im not only driving away from something. I am driving towards a life, that is more than ready to take over the world.

23 november 2008

This is as good as it gets

First of all, why dont i sleep anymore? 

Some early shopping ended up being worthless. Straight to work, over energized, so ready for the night. And at 4.30 p.m my rescue came. Next stop - home.

A couple of drinks, actually, more than a couple made our threesome a little bit more exciting. Even though, hours of waiting until Copenhagen's nightlife  started blew our party-mood away. But with headaches, hungry stomachs and cold feet we still made it to IN. And im so glad we did. 

Dancing all night long, forgetting problems and living to the fullest. This is what i love and cant stop loving. 

We made a new bartender friend too. I expect free drinks next time, aight? And hey, if we really are securities favorite swedish girls - why arent we in VIP line yet? 

Whatever.

Last night was one of those nights, i'll never forget. And that one dance with that one guy, those crazy glasses, the flashing camera lights, the smiles from my IN-crew and the world being upside down - literary. All memories i wish never ended. But at nine o'clock, i had no other choice than to let it go.

And suddenly i can clearly see what its all about.

21 november 2008

Movies, candy and the love of my life. It all makes a bad ass Friday night.

Carrie in sex and the city. You are one of a kind. Waiting 10 years for a man, that must be true love. The love that is in every fairy tale and the one we all dream about. 

Its 1.30 in the morning and you might wonder what the hekk a party princess is doing at home writing in her blog at this time. Keep wondering, because i dont have the answer. 

And what about that thing at Disko Dasko? Hm, we walked passed it, but thats it. And what about Dansebaren? Nope, we just passed that one too. Seven eleven and a bad ass movie was what caught our eyes tonight. And what a night! 

But hey, the weekend is far from over. Tomorrow its saturday and who knows what will happen then... All i know is, it all will happen at IN. 

See you there

Its happening all over Copenhagen this weekend

Tonight it's hip hop on the schedule for Disko Dasko in Copenhagen. I'm thinking about going. Hm. A real battle, a bad ass Dj and cheap alcohol. But im not going alone. I might be independent, but im not desperate. Anyone who wants to join me?

Hah. Not desperate... Good one.

One more week in Copenhagen, then its time to go back home. And i must say, Copenhagen is all i want, its all i ever desired and all i'll ever need. Its mother fucking Copenhagen dude. The city i love. Pretty sure, i was born on the wrong side of the water. 

Anyhow, im planning on enjoying my last week, my last weekend in the big city. Saturday night i have two options, Rainbow at Renome or IN. 
Hard choice. 

But hey, its friday. No worries. Let the party begin and let it end wherever the night takes us.


20 november 2008

And ill keep on writing forever.

My source of inspiration. Ive found it.
And you wont believe me when i tell you, who it is.

Well, its not my mom. Its not my friends. Its not a teacher and its not a famous person. Its not anyone close to me, but neither is he far away.

What makes me do my worst, is what makes me do my greatest.

Are you getting closer to the answer?
One more clue.

7 months.

Still lost? Yes, its understandable. But im not really known of writing in clear text. Its about reading whats in between the lines. It makes the writing more personal, but still - so abstract.

Anyhow. Are you ready for the answer?
Of course, duh, its The One.


The one i gave it to,
the one who broke it.
The one i loved,
the one who never loved me back.
The one i wished for every 11.11,
the one who didnt care.
The one and only,
who had me,
who took it all,
who will always be in my heart.
The one and only,
T.
You still inspire me to do my best, to fight and to achieve, because deep inside of my heart theres always going to be a desire to get you back and to make you want me.
The best thing is, you'll always be that source of inspitation. Because im not stupid, i also know, you'll never take me back.

18 november 2008

Home for rehab. And today its coffee time with a friend. 

Then, im going to IKEA to anoint the Christmas. Im sick of everything being dark and boring. Its time to get some light in our existence. Warm colors, goodie snacks and Glögg.
I love Santa. 

Work tomorrow again. Woho. 
But then, i got nothing in my calendar until Sat. 

Saturday night its you and me Ida. Rocking the dance floor. Because no one dances like we do. Trust me on that one.

Bounce

17 november 2008

And it went crashing down the drain.

Did you ever take time,
to read what i wrote about you?

I dont think you did.

You would have known,
how i felt,
how i feel,
and what i hoped to feel.

I wrote about love,
and about trust.
I said something about hope,
and something about happiness.
Something about reality being better than dreaming.

I gave you what i had,
and a little bit more.

But money cant buy love,
nor can it heal a broken heart.

The End.



Sensation. Sen-fucking-sation.

Amazing. 

White.

Huge.

Wow...

Still, IN wins when it comes down to choices of music, beat and people. But oh, it loses against Sensation when it comes to area, shows, unity and Bad Ass. What was a huge disappointment was that there was no black light. I mean WHAT?! No black light at sensation White?! Fake, fake, fake. And expensive drinks in cheap glasses was not a plus either.
But still, 30 000 people in one place who all wants the same - party hard and listen to the djs making the world go around - is indefinable. 

After-party at IN was a blast - until you-know-what happened. Fuck it ruined my night. Fuck this, fuck you and fuck everything.

Im done.

14 november 2008

Showtek in my heart.

This is what I love and cant stop loving.
Get wasted on parties from 9 to 7 in the morning.
I live for the music, more than once,
feeling high, Getting loaded or take some pills and go to "LaLa" land.
Spending all my money on dope and extreme hot price tickets.
But in the end its all worth it!
I like to live in my own world.
Fuck regular life, fucking nine to five jobs.
I told to enjoy every moment, every hour, every minute.
That is what I do at friday's and saterday's.
Why should I take life so seriously, I just wanna do what I like to do.
Being far from reality, because I cant stand society.
This is my own world, I just wanna hear the music...

I think the whole system fucking sucks.
Everybody is working his fucking ass off during the week.
Getting totally fucking stressed out,
So whats wrong and whats right!

I live for the weekend.
I live for hardstyles.
I live for hardstyle baby!

Come on, let's go!
Its that feeling you have before a long vacation, before Christmas or before graduation. You're all excited and you've got everything planned out. The outfit is sitting there, just waiting to be put on. You want to stay up all night, but in the same time you want to sleep so that time will pass by faster. 

You're nervous.
You're happy.

Its almost like falling in love. This sensational feeling. And i just cant wait until tomorrow. I wanna scream, i wanna jump up and down, i wanna share my happiness with the rest of the world. Even though, time goes by fast. Occasions like these, it always seem to go by so slow though. And i would not mind if time went by just a little bit faster. 

I want it to be saturday right now.
Right away.
NOW.

S for saturday and S for sensation <3

One more day of waiting and then Sensation will finally be here. Im feeling bad for poor IN. No one will come until after 3ish. An empty club. Then we'll come and crash the party. 

So a couple of good advises for all you Sensation freaks,
dont overdose - a true party killer is blue and red lights.
drink water as much as you drink anything else - we have a long night ahead of us.
dress in white and drop all your arguments about how white isnt your color. 
and last but not least,
get crunk.

And now finally, my outfit is complete. But no, you cant see it. Not until tomorrow. But its bang boom boom. Yup. 




13 november 2008

I don't know. 

Why i fuck everything up.

Its like whatever i touch, turns into shit. 
And everything i stop touching, shines like never before.

Detox. Im detoxing everyone from me. 

12 november 2008

You got it once.

If you loose it,

its forever gone.

Patience is not one of my high qualities. I prefer things to happen now, right away and i hate waiting. Waiting in line, waiting for the bus or even waiting for someone coming around. 
Waiting sucks - waiting is a waste of time and God should delete it from his system.

Today i had a real dinner for once. Arent you surprised? Well, i am. I actually cooked. I made food. I did not burn it, or overcook it. It tasted good. My food. Wow.

Plans for tonight include a good movie, some ice-cream and i guess, i gotta study as well. Hm. Yeay. But ill get a good nights sleep at least. And thats good, because i need it. And tomorrow its a new day at work.

After tomorrow its friday, and ill probably go home friday night to spend the night with my family and friends in Sweden. After that its saturday. And on saturday its...

SENSATION. 

10 november 2008

And my mind is set for you.

Still doing it.

Afraid of hurting, afraid of giving it up again - knowing the risks. Im scared to death. And this time im facing my fear.

With another sleepless night and another day at work im still alive. And tonight its time to recover. Ill be washing clothes, cleaning and studying. Doesnt sound to fun, but it needs to be done to clear my conscience. Another bad day. But tomorrow i wanna see changes. 
Im going back to Sweden and ill be picking up my drivers licence, im going to the liberary to get some information about my project work and the best thing - im getting my Ipod back. God, ive missed it. My cutie who keeps me going - always.

Sensation on saturday. Its gonna be bad ass. 

09 november 2008

Fucked up day. Seriously... WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!

Yesterday, after walking around in Copenhagen all day i must admit - my feet hurt shitless. But since when has pain stopped me from doing what i want? It ended up being another night at IN. Clearly, i was not going to be able to stay as long as usual. I told myself i had to leave at 1. At the latest. 

Good music and drunk as hell didnt help getting me home at a decent hour. 
What got me out of that place was my Ex. When he showed up, i left. Cant even stand seeing his face. 

Still, i wasnt home until 3.3o that night. Might not sound too bad, unless work is waiting at 9. I simply did some pep-talk and set my alarm clock. At 7.30, it rang. But 4 hours of sleep, a long day of shopping and another night at IN i slept like the sleeping beauty. And no, i did not hear my phone. 

Sun shining in my face was my savior. At 11.30 i finally woke up, looking like hell and feeling like shit. Showers makes wonders and so does make-up. What it wont help against is a mad boss. Fuck.

After work, going home, getting some rest and some real food for once didnt even cross my mind. Straight to my friend i went and woops - all of a sudden it was a new day. At 12.30 a.m i left his apartment to take the train. Obviously, i never thought of the fact that the buses might not drive this late a sunday night. Not until i got of at the central station, downtown copenhagen it hit me - hm. No more buses for tonight. To plan B - a cab. Hm. No cash? No working credit card? Sorry, no cab. 

Luckily, i thought, the subway is still going. It goes all night. Always. 

A 20 minutes walk and a tired me arrived to the subway to face my bad luck once more. Of course theres no subway this late. 

Stuck in Copenhagen, no where to go. Work in the morning at 10 and a need of some rest i still didnt panic. Nothing can stop me from getting what i want. Theres always a way. Always. 
Another hour past by and yes. There it was - an ATM. 

10 dollars later i was home.

08 november 2008

Shit me im hungover.

Guess what i did last night?! Okay, let me give you a couple of clues, Special D, free champagne and bad ass people. Its IN, of course. 

Running on no more than 4 hours of sleep, empty stomach and a hell of a headache - ill be hitting downtown in a few. Ida is coming over and its gonna be a long day with girl talk and shopping. The fact that ive got blisters all over my feet and barely can walk from last nights insisting in High heels, wont stop me. Life is to short to complain.

And i have one more thing to confess. If your not sitting down - sit down. Take a deep breath. Here it goes.

Last night, me, Kristine Johanna Assarsson, didnt touch a soul but my friends. Im not gonna say too much here, but one thing is clear. Something weird is happening. Either im turning gay, or im actually... 

falling in love. 

03 november 2008

It's about time you left.

First comes denial. 
And still everything is fine.

Then comes realizing.
And you blame yourself. 
Must be something you did wrong.

At last comes accepting.
And you can clearly see that you'll never be her.

The worst part is though,
that you've known all along,
that every time he looked into your eyes,
he saw somebody else.

02 november 2008

"I want to be the eyes that look deep into your soul 
I want to be the world to you 
I just want it all 
I want to be your deepest kiss 
The answer to your every wish 
And all you'll ever need"

And another happy ending.

And of course, the celebration of my ever lasting drivers license didnt stop thursday. 
Friday night i was the DD for the first time of my life. Wow. Not being an alcoholic for a night every once in a while has its ups and downs. The down part - everything seems lame. The up part - going home in a nice warm car with good music beats most of the buses around this area.

But i still made sure i made it up saturday night. 
After some ticket problems and a long day at work, it was time to chill out at my new favorite place. 7-eleven at the airport. The night is young and it didnt really get started until some time after midnight. 
The place to be was IN (big shocker there). Next, V.I.P line.

Boom.
Boom.
Boom.

Hit after hit and i kept falling.