Truth cant be told. 

But that doesnt mean i dont need somebody to talk to. 

Feelings cant be showed. 

But that doesnt mean i dont need a hug.

Looking through the shell, 

only a few can. 

And only a few of the few, 

wants to see what there is to be seen.

So far, so good.

Its been almost a week, and im feeling alright. Im proud of me, but there's also my boyfriend to thank - without him, i dont know.

Speaking of my boyfriend, im getting scared again. It goes up, and it goes down. The relationship is doing good - but my nerves are not. Every time i leave his side, i cant help but thinking its the last time i see his face. I cant help but worry about everything and anything. 

But i guess, its time for me to take control of my feelings, and convince myself, that we'll find our way back to each other. Its just hard, after a broken heart just getting healed. Because sadly, i know that a heart once broken, can never really become the same, and a broken heart will always have a hard time trusting again - and when a broken heart finally grows strong again, its only to break again.

Love is great, and no drug makes you feel the way love does. But when it comes down to it, it hurts like a bitch, when it leaves your side and the question is, is it worth it...

With Dan, i believe it is. I hope, i'll never regret taking your hand that night. And i hope, the day our paths no longer go down the same road - our goodbye, will be a good one. 

And it wasn't even my choice

I think its too late. 

But then, its never too late.

Even though, ive already crossed the line.

But how to resist, 

when brain and body screams after more?

How to make a no-sound,

seems impossible.

Im scared,

but im relieved at the same time.

Oh, bad, so bad.

And now, for the first time in my life,

i need to be strong,

really strong.

We're talking live, or die.

the story continues

Friday night goes along with bye bye IN. Even though, im not sure, how long it will take before i get abstinence from not going there. Because trust me, it has happened before - and after friday, the chances of me getting it are even greater. This time, its not because we had a blast, this time, we're talking real stuff, hard core things, i could only dream about. We're talking fucked up people, spending their shit, on girls like me - hoping to get some.

Surprise. I might have been the only girl in my group, but i do have a boyfriend, and my boyfriend does have friends, who are my friends and who took care of me before it was too late.

So next time, have it yourself instead, me - your not getting near. 

Not when im around my bad boys.

Theres never any good, in goodbye.

Today its time to say goodbye. Goodbye to all the good times, at my favorite place, the club which will always have a place in my heart and my memory. I remember the first time i was there. Nervous, scared shitless, because a seventeen year old girl is not supposed to get in. My hand was shaking, holding tight to the id, that didnt belong to me - praying and hoping, they wouldnt notice. 

Or how about that night, me and ida played around for hours - coming home with 6 new numbers in my cell-phone, one belonging to the heartbreaker. The one guy, i couldnt forget - the one i was hoping to find every weekend for almost a year. 

I remember throwing up in the smoking area, falling down the stairs, down to the dance floor. I remember flirting with the bartender, getting drinks for free. Being the first one on the floor, shaking my ass together with my best friend - having the whole place watching. 

I have done so many things in there, and we're talking memories, that will fallow me under ground the day i die. 

But its time to say goodbye. Its getting dangerous. And i better pull myself out before i get dragged in.